


Muted

by SlinkySpiders



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Pain, amneisa, and yeah, kagami gets in an accidnet, kuroko gets left behind as a result, this takes place right after summer, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2015-03-13
Packaged: 2018-03-17 05:33:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3517286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlinkySpiders/pseuds/SlinkySpiders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kuroko didn't realize how much of an impact Kagami had on him until Kagami forgot everything about him. </p>
<p>And now, it seems, Kagami was the only person who really mattered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Muted

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday Cloud! I hope you like this smattering of angst on your special day omg. I hope it makes you cry but at the same time I pray it doesn't. 
> 
> sorry this was sorta late! 
> 
>  
> 
> :)))

_**"Please forgive me for asking this, but I do this with everybody. Could you tell me your name again and how it is that I know you?"** _

Kagami got in a three-car wreck after getting off the freeway. His massive body was strong, protected only by layers of rippling muscle and bone, but it was still jostled greatly. So as he lay there, head wrapped and hands overflowing with tubes, the doctor took a long look at Seirin basketball team and sighed. His nose was wrinkled, as if he had been caught in multiple moments of distain as a child, and his glasses continued to slide off his face. He shuffled and huffed, speaking in slow syllables like he was going to forget something. 

Hyuuga was silent for them all.

"He's got retrograde amnesia. It means he has lost pre-existing memories to conscious recollection, " The man explained. 

Kiyoshi, the sweet soul, spoke, "So he doesn't know us?"

"No. He has recollections of childhood and his adolescent, such as his parents and apparent trip to America. However, more recent memories, such as those he formed at Seirin, are lost to him. Fortunately, he will still recall basic facts and techniques he may have learned, for his procedural memory was not damaged."

"Is this permanent?" Coach asked.

The doctor sighed, as if she had stuck a hand in his feathers and ruffled them. Kuroko felt perturbed, his small form stuck to the right side of the hospital bed as if he were waiting for Kagami to spring into action. Perhaps he was. The man's soggy attitude dripped irritation onto all the members of the team, each on edge. His news was announced as if it was nothing, and yet, it was  _everything._

"Most likely no, but it will take a while to return. Months even. The damage was extensive, so please be prepared. The memories will return gradually, but do not attempt to stimulate them. All recollection must be triggered by the patient or recovery will be futile, " He explained.

_The patient?_

_You mean Kagami Taiga?_

Kuroko huffed and move to speak, but Hyuuga caught control of the words before he did. 

"When will he be released?" 

"In a couple of days."

Kuroko tried to ignore the sour spot that was beginning to form at the bottom of his belly. 

_**Amnesia is the general term for a condition in which memory is disturbed or lost.** _

Kagami didn't, as the doctor said, remember any of them. Although he opened his arms to the team, he still seemed rather confused that  _he_ had managed to get on a team without driving them all away. Cautious and slightly clumsy, he swung around the court as if it were not his own, and in reality, it really wasn't.

His older arrogance had returned, classified by slam-dunks and exaggerated shouts, but his movements were hesitated, punctuated by:

"Ah, sorry."

And, 

"Whoops."

He also would loop back into English, which was both hilarious and unsettling. 

"Shit!" 

Kuroko sniggered, but his amusement went unnoticed by the others.

Which was, in all honesty, rather disconcerting. 

Kagami. Proud, strong,  _honest_ Kagami Taiga, who had played basketball with Kuroko and yelled at him and  _loved_ him. The same man who had eyebrows so jagged and sharp they ought to be used as can openers, had taken him out of the Generations of Miracles' shadow, now looked straight through him as if he were nothing but a smear on the wall. Kuroko would hold the ball, hands gripped on the rippled fabric, and glance up at Kagami with all intent.

But nothing got through. 

He could only grab Kagami's attention through quick jabs to the stomach and harsh shouts in his ear (which hurt Kuroko's throat and Hyuuga's patience), and even then it was nothing more than a few fragments of concentration. 

"Oh! Kuro..right, sorry, I didn't see you there," He'd answer, as if it were a  _simple_ fact. 

_I know._

"Kuroko. It's Kuroko. And it's okay Kagami-kun, most people don't."

Kuroko came back into the season shaky and confused, but he hung onto the words of the doctor as strongly as he could, ignoring each time the ball whizzed pass his face. 

_**There is no magic pill or surgery that can fully restore the lost memories of someone with amnesia.** _

Kagami had created a mission to recall those he had missed. About two weeks after he had returned to the state of the living, a goal had formed in his mind of tracking down and interrogating all those he had touched before the accident. His overbearing form and seemingly harsh appearance often scared them off, but Kuroko could tell, he was trying.

 Frustration built up each time he would get answers and then suddenly realize he knew  _nothing_ of them. Even #2 did not instigate the same ridiculous reaction he had created before. Feet planted firmly on the ground, he patted the dog’s head and walked off, earning odd stares from the entire team. Kuroko felt a little of his heart crack at each of Kagami's misfortunes.

Kagami, took all the information in, still muddled and tired, and attempted to piece it all together. 

_Piece by piece, they said, he'll remember._

_He'll remember_

_He'll rem-_

_"_ Hey! Kuroko, right?" Kagami got around to him, "I'm sorry to ask but, what was our relationship like? Ya know, before the whole thing.."

Kuroko debated on lying. The vowels were so strong around his lips, pulling his cheeks together with a force he had never encountered together. In a way, he could pretend they had been  _friends_ and he could pretend that Kagami meant  _nothing_ to him, as to ease the guilt Kagami would immediately feel on realizing he had lost such an important person.

But Kuroko felt fear overtake his natural instincts. Filled with the thought of loosing Kagami, even in theory, he blurted out the words that had been crossing his mind for weeks now. Tumbling out of his mouth, he felt both ashamed and relived all at once. Pained by this realization, he held the last bit back, tongue coming up to catch the syllables before they flew past his lips. 

"We were dating," He said. 

_And I loved you._

Kagami got this look on his face, and Kuroko knew that looked,  _knew_ those soft eyes and troubled cheek muscles. And even though he laughed and rubbed the back of his neck like the dork he really was, Kuroko knew that he had planted the seed in Kagami's mind. 

And he felt a little more of his heart break. But not for Kagami, for himself. 

**_Many patients with amnesia attempt to regain their memories through stimulations._ **

Kagami, as Kuroko had predicted, built up that guilt easily enough.  

More weeks passed, inklings of memory returned. But only hints. Pieces of his past were skewed in his mind, pulled apart by the string of his accident and scattered in his subconscious. Kuroko wanted to fish them all together and glue them up for Kagami to see, but he knew that his dream lay only in the clouds. Not on Earth. 

Kagami used to be his sidekick. The school registered Kuroko's presence as  _Kagami's_ presence, but now, since Kagami rarely saw or recognized him, the chance of Kuroko ever achieving a tangible existence disappeared. Moments continued to go on but Kuroko was no longer a part of them. The team still spoke to him, still passed to him, still hit him on the back after a rough practice, but none of it was actually  _there,_ not in Kuroko's mind.

He was a figment. They still loved him and included him,  _as always,_ but with Kagami's lack of connection with him on and off the court, the team seemed to slip into an awkward relationship, as if he were still a first year member that had just joined. Still fresh and undone, like that of someone they had only known for a short time. But he knew, he knew that that  _wasn't true._

Of course, so did everyone else, but no one, not even Hyuuga, really knew how to approach Kuroko without Kagami. 

That was the crux. 

Kuroko sometimes would receive cruel twists of fate from the universe, manifesting themselves as Kagami's attention. He would catch Kuroko at the oddest times (while he was changing, on the way home, on the train tracks) and stare at him for a long time. He would pull his lower lip between his two front teeth and furrow his brow. Concentration showed itself so plainly on Kagami's face that Kuroko almost felt sorry for him.

And then, Kagami would spit out some memory he had received over night or  _something,_ and Kuroko was crushed by each word. 

_**Patients with amnesia are painfully knowledgeable about what they are losing.** _

**"** I remember when you got hurt in the game against Kise," He had said, breathing heavily after catching up to Kuroko on the walk home. 

"Who's Aomine?" He'd asked (much to Kuroko's amusement and horror). 

"I remember the time we all went to that meat place, " He'd told Kuroko strongly. 

"I know your face really well, I do," He claimed to Kuroko. 

"I remember the first time you kissed me," He said.

Kuroko had swallowed his breath at that, lips suddenly dry and cracked, hands shaking in his pockets. He wanted to scream at Kagami, to rip off his  _goddamn_ eyebrows and slap his stupid cheeks with them. His words were stated as if they were facts, as if they meant  _nothing._ Kuroko didn't want to be an exam Kagami was studying for.  

_Why don't you remember me like you used to?_

Kuroko had turned around, form stiff and harsh. Kagami didn't wait for a response as he walked away, and Kuroko felt slightly bad for putting Kagami in such a confusing decision. But that sour spot had just shot acid into his throat and he didn't know if he could open his mouth without throwing up.

He felt so sick, he ought to cry. 

As he walked home that night, leaving Kagami to stand in silence, he felt a little more scattered than he ever had before. Because Kuroko's existence  _depended_ on others. It depended on Kagami. 

He was so scared. He was so scared of being tossed to the side and forgotten, only picked up and brushed off when someone felt sorry for him.  

**_For friends and family, living with someone who has amnesia can be extremely frustrating._ ** __

It was after a practice match. The gym was still sweating with fierce competition (even though Seirin had won), and Kuroko was sitting on the bench with a towel lightly hanging from his neck. His face felt hot, but perhaps it was from the fact that he had barely gotten passed to at all during the entire game. A growing occurrence in those few weeks, one he'd like to avoid.

Of course, that wasn't possible.

Kagami was still practicing free throws. Kuroko watched his body bend and shake as he let go of the ball. Calves strong and toned, arms slicing through the air. He remembers those arms hooked around him as they study, he remembers the fingers tracing patterns on his left hip. He had leaned back into Kagami's embrace that night and never looked back.

Now it seemed that all Kuroko was doing was  _looking._

It's not that he didn't trust the doctor, or felt incredibly hopeless, but Kagami's state of being was rough. His silence was taken as his personality, but in reality, he felt as if he had been stripped and left out to dry. Parched and bare, he wanted to quench himself with Kagami's attention, but it seemed that concentration would never return.

Doubt had settled in every pore of his body and he was unable to avoid it. He wished to slip out from the pressure. 

_But he couldn't._

_Kagami couldn't._

He left to shower. 

As the water pounded into his back, he wondered, he wondered, he  _wondered_ if Kagami would ever speak to him as he had before. 

Full of passion. 

He knew deep down that if he waited Kagami could get to know him again, but Kuroko felt selfish because he wanted Kagami to  _remember_ him. He didn't want to start from the beginning, in which Kagami could barely see him at all. 

Kuroko came out sopping wet in both his chest and his hair. As he toweled down, he felt shudders of sorrow rack his heart. 

He didn't  _want_ to do this. He shouldn't think so negatively. He should be better because Kagami was  _wort-_

But he wasn't better than Kagami. He wasn't better than either of them.

He didn't know when he started crying or when he hit the floor, all he knew is that he stayed there for a  _long_ time.

_**Many patients claim that when they lose their memory, they lose their entire sense of self.** _

Kagami took a long time to figure things out.

A long time.

As he usually did. He had never been one to fall into easy conclusions or catch simple hints. He'd always taken the hardest route to his own personal success and he was proud of how he usually managed to preserve and yet be so oblivious at the same time.

He had been having  _itches_ in his head for so long now. Little scratches at his memory. Triggered by things like burgers and  _some arrogant blondie_ and baby blue eyes that stared up at him with veiled emotion.  

Kuroko haunted him. Kagami didn't know how he continually lost track of Kuroko nor how he managed to be so equally obsessed with him. Soft hair and lips, long lashes and lean arms kept him awake at night. Kuroko's words of their previous relationship echoed in his head and as more reminders of who they had  _been_ circled in his mind, he wondered how far they had gone.

Sleepless, sleepless nights. 

_**But in the end, all patients still retain who they really are. Amnesia takes away many things, but it does not take away someone’s "soul,"** _

Kuroko was making tea when Kagami decided to catch up. 

The door exploded in noise and he burned his left thumb. He almost wished to ignore it, for whoever it was had no sense disturbing him so suddenly. Kuroko took pleasure in doing that himself.

Or at least, he had. 

He opened it anyways, some semblance of hope dragging him along.

Kagami stood there, drenched in rain (it had been awfully wet this year) and leaning into the doorframe. He was panting, teeth still as vivid as Kuroko remembered them. He took ten deep breaths, before he cleared his throat and asked to come in. Kuroko went to get a towel as Kagami peeled off his wet clothes.  

When he returned, Kagami was leaning up against a wall in the hallway, still a little damp but mostly intact. His hair was plastered to the sides of his head, burgundy slapped onto his skin by moisture. 

He didn't look happy, but his mouth wasn't twisted into anger either. Kuroko didn't offer him the towel, suddenly caught up in Kagami's strong stare. His body was rigid, but he seemed on the verge of something.

He spoke, "I'm sorry." 

Kuroko froze.

"I left you alone for so long and I'm sorry Tetsuya," Hearing his first name made Kuroko drop the towel.

Kagami's eyes followed it but he continued to speak nonetheless, "I've been struggling with remembering a lot of things, but you were the most difficult, " He shook his head, "No, I won't like, I still don't remember  _everything._ " 

Kuroko felt as if his feet had left the ground. Floating in Kagami's speech, mind whirling through his words.

"But I do remember that you touched my heart. And I think I still feel the same about you as you do about me."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. 

"But I need  _time._ I want to kiss you and hang out with you and I'm  _trying_ to see you and pass to you more. I really am and I just-I just thought that maybe we could start again. I'm gonna be really forgetful and I'll probably unintentionally hurt you an-"

"Taiga." 

Kagami looked up, "Yeah?" 

"I love you, you idiot." 

Kagami blushed, "Yeah, I know." 

Kuroko didn't hug him or kiss his spontaneously, as he might wish to, but simply picked up the towel and began to dry Kagami's hair and neck with it. Hands soft, motions clean, his fingers kneading into Kagami's skull. He felt the man relax a little and he smiled.

As he picked up some water from Kagami's left ear and felt that little sour spot sweeten slightly, he said, "I'll always be here for you," 

He grabbed Kagami's hand, "As long as you're there for me."

Kagami kissed his forehead, "I'm gonna try."

Kuroko laughed. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> sources if ya want em:   
> http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_amnesia.html  
> http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/12/amnesia-and-the-self-that-remains-when-memory-is-lost/266662/


End file.
